Life had a heavy theme the last days. Getting back to Sweden was getting back to sorrow and sadness for the passing of my grandmother. She was 95 years strong, but slowly fading away. As it was a constant dark curtain in the back of my mind since a few weeks, it was at it’s heaviest during yesterday’s funeral. When a coffin is out in the open and we are asked to say the final good bye the loss is so obvious and matter-of-factly. As if we could have put the final good bye off for a few more years. We didn’t want to say goodbye.
I’m trying to think logically, not let the sad heart take over the mind fully. My mind knows that my grandmother was tired. I wouldn’t want her to keep living only to not make the rest of us sad by her passing. She had a long and amazing life, having lived since the 1920’s. She told us stories of what it was like before electricity, cars and television. All that experience that is not alive anymore. That is why it’s so important to make memories. To spend time in real life with real people. Those memories will never fade. Also, her paintings and fantastic cookie recipes will stay with us for the rest of our lives.
The day before the funeral I was taking part in a interview for a new tv-series concerning death, life and the risks that comes with being alive. We talked about that we don’t often talk about death. As if we can trick death by not talking about it. It’s the only thing that is definitely certain to happen in life.
We can’t really talk about life without the blunt fact that it will end. Maybe all we can do to not worry and be sad about death is fill life with as much of being alive as we can. Maybe that’s a way to ‘use’ death instead of letting it use us.